How true 😛
How satisfied couples are in their relationship is less a result of how similar their expectations and values are in the first place. It’s much more influenced by how they positively resolve decisions that come up — from what religion to raise their children to how often in-laws should be visited, from the importance of education to the importance of career growth, says Epstein. A husband and wife with identical upbringings can turn out to have a difficult marriage if they also each have a dig-in-my-heels-to-get-my-way attitude. And a couple who comes from opposite sides of the planet will have an enriching relationship if their priority is to embrace their different backgrounds as a good thing, while growing their love through compromise.
One of the best ways to compromise on a difficult issue, Epstein recommends, is to each write out what your ideal outcome would be, followed by a list of small changes you’d be willing to make to move nearer to a compromise. Putting your thoughts on paper is important, continues Epstein, because it helps you stay focused on your main “bulleted” points, and, when your partner shares his written points with you, there’s less likelihood that you’ll get caught up over the semantics of speech. For example, if a husband, who comes from a large extended family, wants to brunch with the entourage every Sunday, but his new wife, who grew up an only child and prefers quieter outings, doesn’t want to commit to booking every weekend this way, a session with pen and paper can help them see that at least a few options are evident, says Epstein. They could cut down on the frequency of visiting his family to a more comfortable (for her) one Sunday a month. Or, instead of spending an entire afternoon eating and carousing, limit the get-together to an hour. Her husband could also see his family every other weekend by himself. And she could be flexible about visiting more for holidays and birthday celebrations.
Remember, it’s not so much what you bring to your marriage that counts, but what you make of it that ultimately matters.
V's Day Blog 